02 July 2012

Childhood Sex Abuse Survivors Lead Call for Healing, Investigation, Prevention

Amid the ugliness of more and more revelations of abuse by teachers at Horace Mann School, a group of survivors of childhood sexual abuse prepared a thoughtful, forward-thinking proposal.

What an amazing thing. Those who suffered the most lead the rest of us.

I signed my support. Members of the HM community are encouraged to do so as well (box after the letter).

A few quotes from the Survivors' Letter:
It begins
We have been deeply moved by the outpouring of love, concern and solidarity expressed by many in our community since the publication of the New York Times Magazine article about sexual abuse at Horace Mann. We wish to express our thanks to all who have expressed compassion and caring toward us. We have tried not to be hurt by certain comments others have made on the internet seeking to blame the victims or to call our integrity, our motives or even our sexuality into question.
Their recommendations
We believe work must be done in four areas: 1) protecting potential future victims, 2) ensuring “never again” at Horace Mann, 3) healing and assisting past victims based on their legitimate needs, and 4) changing the wider system.
And still they conclude respectfully and optimistically
We want to be clear that we still feel deeply connected to our alma mater. We are proud of the outstanding education we received at Horace Mann, and we are grateful for wonderful teachers who opened new horizons of learning for us. We do not want to hurt Horace Mann; we want to help heal it, though we have learned from experience that healing sometimes requires confronting painful realities.

Want to read the whole letter? 
It's here:  HoraceMannSurvivor.org

27 January 2012

Gratitude Challenge: 5 minutes for wonderful things

5 minutes for wonderful things now?  Often, timing is everything.

An hour ago, I’d have whined that 5 minutes isn’t enough.  Now, though, I’m quite frustrated with one of those things I value most.  (Perhaps a younger family member?)  So 5 minutes doesn’t seem quite so unreasonable. 

Assignment is to avoid longing for what I don’t possess, so well-behaved teenagers is out.  Too bad.  Best appreciate that I have them to annoy me.  Better than not, I know.  Still, I will be angry right now.  Not that it makes me ungrateful.  I’m grateful for even the most frustrating teenagers, but they’re still frustrating.

On to the real assignment
:  5 minutes on wonderful things
  • I have my family.  Imperfect, but here, thankfully. 
  • I have my home, my possessions, right where I left them … sometimes. 
  • Time each day to do some of the things I plan and plenty things left to do tomorrow.
  • Electricity, nearly always.  And on the rare occasions when it goes out, I have quiet.
  • Books: in my home, office, library, everywhere.  Audio books that travel with me even when I’m not looking.
  • Dogs.
  • Bubble water (aka, seltzer) when you’re really tired.
  • Exploring in darkness after a snowstorm, not too far from the safety of home.  The unusual cold, crunchy quiet that oddly makes me laugh.
This ‘Gratitude Challenge’ is funny.  Wonderful things? What makes something wonderful?  And even then, can those wonderful things be cataloged in 5 minutes?  On further though, wonderful things probably can’t be cataloged at all.

Reflecting on the exercise: Wonderful experience? Nope.  But fun, pleasant, a little chore that feels nice.  I think I’ll keep going.

26 January 2012

Gratitude Challenge: NEGATIVE things to appreciate

Couldn't be easier. The worst experiences remind me of why life ultimately is okay ... So far.

Fortunately, I've been lucky, learned, come out better, etc., from my worst times ... so far.

My first 'gratitude list' was a few years ago when I was ill. I thought of it as a sad little list of the few things about cancer i could 'pretend' are good. It was recommended to improve my spirits. Surprisingly, mine was a very long list.

When someone you love has cancer, nothing is right. However when *you* have cancer - though it sucks - there are so many things to appreciate and enjoy.

Not sure? Perhaps I'm wearing ultra rosy glasses? I don't think so, but who knows?

Kindness of strangers
Pillows
Jelly beans - the 'gourmet' ones
Water, in very clean cups
Cotton
Oncology nurses
Clean towels
Baldness in hot weather
Soft hats when it's cold
Netflix & Audible entertainment
Enjoying novels I've read before (but can't recall through chemo fuzzies)
Telephone, when I want company. Answering machine, when I don't.
Microwave to re-heat meals I want to eat ... later

This is only a partial list. I have so many more. We all do.

The point: cancer is good? NO WAY.

The real point: sometimes it's better after the very-bad stuff. Perhaps, often?

Over time many of the things that were/are bad ... they look different, they show us better things, experiences grows us, crap highlights beauty ... when you feel your worst, sometimes a pillow brings greatest comfort.

... and if not ... I pray that something on *your* list does the trick.

25 January 2012

Gratitude Challenge: grateful today?

One thing? No way. There are so many things. How can one pick one!?

If I must, I'll pick spousal S. He is supportive, sensitive, smart, silly ... I'm really blessed to have him in my life.

It's embarrassing to have, not one, but many amazing people in my life.

NOTE: this particular gratitude isn't unique to the challenge. I appreciate S and all the others, every day!

24 January 2012

My Gratitude Challenge

If I spent more time, I'd likely have a longer - or at least more articulately presented - list. But I began this during an impossibly busy week, so sincerely prepared, in alphebetical order, I am grateful for ...

A.
Apples - braeburn are my favorite
Apples & cheese: a top-10 snack
Audiobooks
Africa
Art

B.
British mystery fiction
Brussel sprouts
Books
Baths

C.
I'm lucky to have C, my daughter
Conceptual art
Crafts
Computers
Coffee

D.
Dogs, dogs, dogs
Dupattas
Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves)

E.
Eastman Kodak
ebay
Ebates
Epson
Electricity
& most-of-all Echts

F.
Friends
Fuji pro cameras - hope they'll bring them back
Fulbright
Frank & Ford families

G.
Graphic design
Grover (Sesame Street)
Is it okay to say Gin?

H.
Humor
Health
Home
Hardwear
Hamachi

I.
India
Internet - the fun & interesting stuff only (according to me :-)
Ikura
Ice (though I didn't appreciate it the first 40 years of my life)
i-pod/pad/phhh

J.
Jello, especially when feeling poorly
also Justice, Judaism, Junk Yards & Jokes

K.
kiva (http://www.kiva.org/)
Kiefer

L.
Long underwear
Lip gloss
... oh, yah. Love.

M.
My favorite letter. I like my name. I really hope my children like theirs
Mystery fiction
Mushrooms

N.
Son, N, another blessing
Numbers
NPR
Netflix
... sample size?

O.
Oranges
Okra
Origomi

P.
Peace ... whenever possible
Public Radio
Podcasts
Pillows
Persimmons - the Asian type
Pummelos
PVC
& Portraits 4 People, but that's pompous Promotion, eh?

Q.
Quiet?
Questions?

R.
Reality
Roses
Rochester NY

S.
S-man, sweet, second son
Sons - in general
Sister (only recently acquired)
Statistics
Saturday & Sunday
Santiniketan
Shyamal
ShyamaliDi
SAS & SPSS
& S (my beloved spouse)

T.
Tools!
Tea-tree oil - useful so often
Teaching

U.
(The) Usual Suspects - a good movie
Universities
USA
USIEF

V.
Vinyl (current fav graphic media)
Veterans
Vegetarians, too

W.
Water, all sorts (but sipping favorite: the bubble sort)
Washing machine

X.
? Stuff you cross out ?
Chi-squared??

Y.
(The) Yes Men
Yogurt

Z.
Zaletels - I am so, so lucky to them in my life.